You are Beautiful, You are Ugly
by Cordy Echelon
Summary: Kradam: All of Adam's boyfriends have always thought he was ugly. Until the last one.


Adam's first real relationship did not go so well. He was fifteen, fat, and insecure. When someone finally showed some sort of interest in him, he jumped at the chance for love. That's all he ever wanted. To be loved. But this boy did not love him back.

"God, you look horrible today!" James spat in Adam's face as he picked him up for school. "When are you going to learn to use makeup to cover those awful spots all over your body."

Adam looked down at his freckled arms. "But they're just freckles," he said sadly. "I can't help that I get them."

"No, but you can stop them from showing." James slammed his car door shut in Adam's face. "You're gonna have to walk to school until you cover those up. I can't be seen with someone like you. You are ugly."

James drove off, leaving Adam behind, knowing that he wasn't good enough.

***

His next serious relationship happened when he was twenty and had his first big musical gig. "I love you so much, Frank," he said, as he had said every day for a year.

"Mhm," Frank grunted back, not bothering to repeat the sentiment. He never had. "Are you done in the bathroom, yet?"

Adam swept out of the bathroom happily. It was opening night and nothing could bring him down. "It's all yours, babe." He walked over to give Frank a kiss.

Frank dodged it and looked at him critically. "You're not covering your face tonight?" he asked.

"Nope, the stage manager wanted to go with a more natural look."

"You should at least cover those freckles. They're hideous. Especially the ones on your nose. You are ugly when you're uncovered." Frank brushed past him and into the bathroom. "Oh, by the way, I can't make it tonight. I'm going to the club with the guys."

"But you promised. You know how much this means to me."

"What do I care about some stupid play." He tossed Adam the concealer. "Now put that on and get going. You're going to be late."

Adam stared sadly down at the jar in his hands before moving to the bedroom mirror to start applying his mask.

***

Adam was finally starting to shed his baby fat. All the unhealthy pounds he carried around seemed to be melting with all the exercise he was getting. He was in the chorus of "Wicked", which meant lots of dancing and singing and practice every single day. This was much easier than going to the gym!

"I had to have lost at least five pounds today!" he exclaimed happily as he paraded around without his shirt. "Pretty soon, I'm gonna be the sexy one in this relationship!" he gently teased Kevin, his latest boyfriend.

Kevin scoffed. "You are getting skinnier, but those freckles on your stomach aren't going anywhere. As long as you have those, my place as hottest is secure. With those freckles, you are ugly."

Adam covered his belly with his arms. "You don't like them?" he asked sadly. "But you always said I was beautiful, no matter what."

Kevin hugged Adam close. "You're beautiful on the inside. When you finally get rid of the freckles, you'll be beautiful on the outside as well."

"Oh," Adam muttered dejectedly, trying to think of any surgeries that could zap away unwanted freckles.

***

Adam's next boyfriend, Alex, had a thing for necks. He would do everything to Adam's neck. Kiss it. Bite it. Stroke it.

One night, as Alex was worshipping Adam's neck, he stopped suddenly. "Ugh," he complained. "Are you ever gonna get that laser surgery you've been wanting. I cannot stand these freckles for another minute!"

"They're just freckles," Adam tried to reason. "What's it matter that they're on my neck. It's not like you can even see them with your mouth."

"No, but I still know they're there. It's annoying."

Adam sat up angrily. "They're just freckles, why should it matter to you what's on my body?"

"Because I'm the one who has to look at it. I make sure to look good for you, so I expect the same in return. Right now, you are ugly."

"You know what, fuck you!" Adam got up and stormed out of the room. As he started to pack his things, he thought back to all of his ex-boyfriends. And how they had all hated his freckles. He hated his freckles more than all of them.

***

"Ugh, I'm so spotty." Adam complained as he washed off his makeup to get ready for bed.

Kris walked into the bathroom and hugged Adam from behind. "I love your freckles. They're so beautiful. Just like you."

Adam rolled his eyes. "And you're the only person who thinks that."

Kris moved Adam's shirt collar to the side, exposing Adam's freckled shoulder. He kissed the gaggle of spots once, before resting his chin on them and staring at Adam in the mirror. "You know that's not true. Besides," he turned Adam around to face him. "My opinion should matter more than the world's anyway."

Adam rested his forehead against Kris's. "You know it does."

"Then let me show you." He pulled Adam into the bedroom, divesting him of his shirt on the way. "Lay down on the bed, Adam," he ordered. Adam did as he was told. "Now, just lay there and relax." Kris climbed onto the bed and straddled Adam's hips. "You are beautiful," he drawled as he kissed a cluster of freckles on Adam's nose. "You are gorgeous." Adam's arms. "You are perfect." Adam's stomach. "You are lovely." Adam's neck. "You are mine." Adam's lips. "And you are beautiful." Directly over Adam's heart. Kris lay down and cuddled up to Adam, his head laying on Adam's chest, where his lips had just been. "Do you see now?"

Adam pulled Kris as close as he could get him. "I may be a little insecure sometimes, but the only thing I really care about," he whispered into Kris's hair. "Is that I'll always be beautiful to you." He kissed the top of Kris's head before drifting off to sleep.


End file.
